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A Link in The Chain

Friday, 6 December, 2019 - 3:29 pm

My son the doctor had a son:

he is now a neurosurgeon.

His son is a forest-ranger in Yosemite:

the girl he is not yet married to is not Jewish.

My son the lawyer had a daughter:

she is a senior analyst with Morgan Stanley:

she's forty-three and just met Mr. Right.

A survey of Jewish America was unveiled two years ago:

containing little we didn't already know anecdotally.

Still, some of the numbers were shocking.

Three hundred thousand less Jews

than there were only ten years ago?

Forget Zero Population Growth:

we're eating away at our capital. And for what?

 Because, as the survey reported, we earn $8,000 per year more than the average American family!

We're not having kids

so we can go out and earn an extra minimum wage.

My kingdom for a horse;

My birthright for $8,000 worth of lentils.

The problem is not that Jewish women don't want to be Jewish mothers:

it's that Jewish men don't want to be Jewish fathers.

Manis Freidman sees feminism as a cry,

piercing through the upshot of the Industrial Revolution:

“Give us back the husbands that you stole from us!”

Until that revolt, men grew into fathers:

fathers needed to provide, so men worked.

Gradually men stopped working to provide,

they went off to pursue a career,

self- fulfillment, a more meaningful life(style).

Who would want to be the mother of their children?

Perhaps more than any parsha, ours is laden with domesticity: it is painful to hear, from our perspective,

women pining for children and for their husband's attention

that childbearing would earn them.

More easily overlooked is the husband

who watched sheep all day in order to raise a family.

Bucolic as it may sound, this was not a sign of the times;

his twin brother led a high-pressured, adventurous, corporate-mogul lifestyle.

'Will our children say kaddish for us?'

was the worry of a generation gone by.

‘We have no children.’

is the silent scream of the most comfort-conscious generation. Worry and concern of a Jewish future is misused,

overplayed and gauche.

Charged-up activism is annoying. Neither work.

Go get a job! Become successful! is the cry.

And the kids listen, in droves.

One of the positive aspects of the Sixties-Seventies is idealism: a greasy-haired, pot-induced, thoroughly-off-base idealism, but idealism. When the surviving hippies (the ones who didn't OD in Marrakech) took a bath and trimmed their hair they were also cleansed of selflessness and had their strife of the spirit cut short. The lucky ones had someone to help them channel their idealism.

Parents want to provide children with whatever the parents grew up missing. A greater accomplishment is to provide children with whatever the parent grew up taking for granted.

It is not enough to want grandchildren.

You must want sons who are fathers more than you want sons who are doctors, want daughters who are mothers more than daughters who are market analysts.

You must want sons-in-law who are fathers

more than sons-in-law who are neurosurgeons.

My mother taught me

that you can never choose to have a child:

you can only choose not to have a child.

”For these are the children of Jacob” conveys a faith that the chain is worth more than what a link lacks. We have nachas that our children are part of this chain, and we say a little prayer that they earn (for how else will they pay day-school tuition?) a whole lot more than $8,000 a year.

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